HOT AIR.

(an ode to British Gas and Transco)

To British Gas, we rang one day

To get a new supply

But as of yet, we’ve got no gas

However hard we try.

Appointment made, time took off.

But no one came to call

We rang them up, they passed the buck.

"It’s not our fault at all"

To Transco’s door, they passed the blame,

So Transco we did ring

"A survey on next Wednesday sir"

"Will that be just the thing"

On Wednesday when the man appeared,

He was no use at all.

A meter in the shop below!!!

But not one in our hall!

A fire risk, if in your hall,

We put one of our meters.

But no where else inside your flat,

If further than 2 metres.

His boss he said, he’d get to call,

On Friday, to ensure

We’d get some gas into our flat

Our problems were no more.??

But no, alas, took Friday of,

They didn’t come at all

My wifes in tears, my tempers frayed

We’re climbing up the wall.

So on the phone, again I try

And Transco cops my wrath.

"It’s not our fault" I’m told again

"Please call British Gas.

But wait I cry, whats going on.

It’s gas that I require

For on the First, I’m moving in

But have no heat or fire.

So British gas, I ring again

My patience wearing thin

A lady who’d been there before

Is suddenly not in!!!

I kindly tell, the girl on-line

I know the ladies in.

Surprise, surprise, she takes my call

My story I begin..

Were moving in, next week I say.

No gas we’ll have installed

The lack of service, that you give

It leaves me quite appalled

At last...someone who seemed to care

She listened to my woes

Unlike the staff at Transco

Who get right up your nose!!!

She did agree, with my complaint

And said she do her best

All I can do, is trust that she’s

Not useless like the rest!!!!

But alas, she was no good

She didn’t ring me back

I think I’ll add her to my list

Of staff who need the sack

So, back I go to Transco

To rant and scream some more

So they arrange on Monday next

Surveyors to my door.

But deja vue, is all I feel

At this surveyors call.

"A meter in the shop indeed"

"But not one in your hall"

So desperation hits me now,

A gas supply I need

One in the shop I’ll settle for,

As Transco have decreed.

We paid our cash by credit card

To speed the work along

At last we think, its looking good

Now nothing can go wrong.

From Transco, then we get a date

October 6 and 7

To be on gas will be our joy

We’ll be in 7th heaven

Then on the 6th our hopes are raised

The Avent lads appear

They lay a pipe into the shop

The end is looking near

Today arrives, but Transco don’t

Of them there is no sign

We ring them up, they pass the buck,

"Oh no the faults not mine"

Alas we say, we need our gas

Tomorrow the shop closes!

Their lack of care it brings despair

They get right up our noses

So one young girl, gets all my wrath

My tempers fit to bust

"My gasman’s in on Friday love"

My gas supplies a must!!

So Friday now, twixt 8 and 10

My meter installation

For if not in by promised time

I’ll sue for compensation!!

At last, the gas is in I cry

I cheer, I shout, I clap

But to Transco and to British Gas

I SAY "YOU BOTH ARE CRAP"!!!!!!

                                  IAN WOOLGER.....